Joseph Abramajtys
2 min readApr 24, 2024


Good Christians Defend Ottawa County from Satan

Phew, that was a close call.

On Tuesday, April 23, 2024, the day some predicted the world would be destroyed, the best Christians in Ottawa County, Michigan showed up to save us.

Proof of impending doom was the fact the Satanic Temple of West Michigan was giving the invocation for that day’s Board meeting.

The Back Story

A right-wing Christian nationalist group named Ottawa Impact took control of the County Board of Commissioners, and its leader, Mr. Moss decided he alone would choose who would give the invocation before each board meeting. When he refused to invite ministers from churches he didn’t like, he was sued by one of the ministers.

Though the lawsuit is still ongoing, Mr. Moss had what some describe as a “Come to Jesus moment” and adopted a first-come-first-served policy for those wishing to give future invocations, and the Satanists got on the list and drew April 23, 2024.

A Day of Reconning

The word went forth from pulpit, podium, and platform of the impending atrocity.

To counter such blasphemy, and save us from sure eternal torment, our best Christians prayed and chanted and formed a God ordained shield of protection reminiscent of throngs of Mayas and Incas, Medicine Men and Druids.

Credit: Freepik

And we were saved, saved from…well, you decide:



Joseph Abramajtys

Old Man, Retired Prison Warden, Social Critic, Recovering Catholic, Pain in the Ass. Occasionally dabbles in parody and satire.