I am cursed with a big dick. Expectations about my dick are so high as to be impossible to meet.

As a pussy eated, a clitoral miner, if you will, a muff diver, I don't value dick size.

They're okay mind you, big dicks, but they can be a burden to carry. And sometimes they just get in the way, like when I take a leak in a hurry and quickly zip up. Been to the OR more than once from that stunt.

What to I really want instead?

A big tongue.